Frankie and I destroyed all competition at the Pinewood Derby....again. So, it's off to the district races in 2 weeks. Special thanks to Sir Isaac Newton, Lord Baden Powell (founder of Boy Scouts) and of course, Don Murphy (founder of the Pinewood Derby). Who knew a simple chunk of wood could be so exciting!?!
I have to tell you - I don't do much "trash talking" in my various exploits...you can't cross your arms with a cheeky grin and quietly state with unwavering confidence "you're going down, sucker!" at, for instance, a bonsai exhibition or a stamp club meeting. You certainly can't do it most anywhere while wearing an adult size cub scout uniform with the special navy blue epaulets and official BSA olive drab socks. Trust me, it's in direct opposition to the laws of nature.
But, once a year in early Spring, I reserve the absolute right to "throw down" with the best of them at the annual Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby. Of course it's all done tongue in cheek and in good fun among people with whom you'd be perfectly comfortable teaching your children how to play with knives, literally.
OK so...let's get to the juicy. Last year's car was a streamlined black beauty and took 2nd place at the district races. I hand carved it with a chisel before realizing the 5oz weight limit was absolutely necessary to attain if you wanted any chance of actually competing. My solution was to carve out the rear cowling (the hump behind the driver) and all fenders and fill them with lead shot. From there, I learned all I could about axle prep and lubrication and did my best. Frankie's involvement was limited to choosing black as the color and sticking the "Number 7" on the hood.
While it may not look like much from this pic, the car has a tangible intimidation factor on the starting line. The paint is actually quite nice and glossy black, showing off the refined curves and balanced proportions. It looks fast, and makes most cars placed next to it appear as glorified doorstops.
Well, we blew them all away. All but one... and that guy only won by about 3/4 of an inch on a 30 foot track. We had something going on, and the ribbons and trophies to prove it...
While it may not look like much from this pic, the car has a tangible intimidation factor on the starting line. The paint is actually quite nice and glossy black, showing off the refined curves and balanced proportions. It looks fast, and makes most cars placed next to it appear as glorified doorstops.
Well, we blew them all away. All but one... and that guy only won by about 3/4 of an inch on a 30 foot track. We had something going on, and the ribbons and trophies to prove it...
This year, Frankie wanted to be a lot more involved in the building and also wanted a "corvette" shape. These were mutually exclusive goals. I designed a car (graph paper, drafting pencil, compass/divider and french curves) that would include design notes from corvette history as well as built-in technical performance upgrades. The result (below) made it all the way to it's near perfect coat of primer (and painting detail guides in black sharpie) before being...summarily aborted.
Just...look at that car. Imagine it in a flawless, deep flaming red paint job with a crisp white racing stripe. Imagine tiny painted headlights, tail lights, side vents, door handles, etc. It was going to be a lightning fast cinderella racer that would make all the little cub scouts tear their own wheels off and go pout in a corner. But, I had to stop. I couldn't do it. The rules clearly state that the scout has to do at least 50% of the work, and must sand and paint their own car. We got away with it last year, but this was missing the point.
The car in the pic above teaches Frankie the wrong lesson. It quietly imposes the idea he can't build a car worth racing...that his involvement would threaten our prospects, not enhance them. Maybe worse, that he can command into being the fastest and prettiest car at the races simply by wishing it were true, while someone else does the thinking and the work for him. Frankie was upset at first when I told him we were starting over from scratch. He wanted the glossy red fantasy, and didn't want to jeopardize our chances of winning. I reviewed the rules with him and was very clear "We will race by the rules, and we will win by the rules. That is my promise."
So this year's car is below. It's bright orange with blue wheels. The shape is clunky, ugly and unrefined, but it is close to the most efficient design for maximizing performance. It is therefore much faster on the track than the original black beauty.
Just...look at that car. Imagine it in a flawless, deep flaming red paint job with a crisp white racing stripe. Imagine tiny painted headlights, tail lights, side vents, door handles, etc. It was going to be a lightning fast cinderella racer that would make all the little cub scouts tear their own wheels off and go pout in a corner. But, I had to stop. I couldn't do it. The rules clearly state that the scout has to do at least 50% of the work, and must sand and paint their own car. We got away with it last year, but this was missing the point.
The car in the pic above teaches Frankie the wrong lesson. It quietly imposes the idea he can't build a car worth racing...that his involvement would threaten our prospects, not enhance them. Maybe worse, that he can command into being the fastest and prettiest car at the races simply by wishing it were true, while someone else does the thinking and the work for him. Frankie was upset at first when I told him we were starting over from scratch. He wanted the glossy red fantasy, and didn't want to jeopardize our chances of winning. I reviewed the rules with him and was very clear "We will race by the rules, and we will win by the rules. That is my promise."
So this year's car is below. It's bright orange with blue wheels. The shape is clunky, ugly and unrefined, but it is close to the most efficient design for maximizing performance. It is therefore much faster on the track than the original black beauty.
Now, the paint job is all Frankie, so please don't ask me why he insisted on going with the graffiti style, or why the words "The evil car" and "Evil is the best" appear frequently in various colors...but that's what he did and we love him for it. Somewhere on there you will also find "the green mohawk" since his dad felt it was completely appropriate to give his 8 year old a green mohawk haircut in preparation for his most recent Brazilian jiu jitsu tournament. Go figure.
I won't bore you with the precise placement of the center of gravity; how I ensured the axles were completely straight and polished, or what's the best grain size of graphite for wheel lubrication. These are superfluous details to the uninitiated. Suffice to say no other racer even came close. We even raced the two cars ("black beauty" and "orange graffiti") against one another and orange blew the doors off last year's phenomenon.
We raced by the rules, and we won by the rules. That was the promise I made, and we fulfilled it together.
So, this year's district races are sure to be at least as exciting as last year's. I'm planning ahead an leaving plenty of room in the back of my truck for that extra big trophy...you know...the one for first place.
Now, please excuse me while I grab a hammer and nails to hang yet another 1st place award and blue ribbon in Frankie's room for having completely dominated at the pack races this year. At the very least that's 365 more days of bragging rights for us.
: )
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